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Sunday, July 3, 2011

Today it is about venting...

I love to blog, which I rarely make time to do, but today it really isn't about pleasure. It is about venting.

Haven't you ever had one of those moments where something minute and silly makes you break down, b/c you've been holding in so many concurrent emotions for so long that they all come flooding in at once? Well, this morning, I let the last surviving fish of Aden's flop down our kitchen sink drain. I was so careful. I put the drain cover in, poured the water slowly, and... all of a sudden he changed his fishy swimming course mid-pour. He jumped to the side. He landed in the sink, and when he did the sink drain pushed just enough to the side for him to slip down. (Adios, fishy).

Yes, I cried. I cried, b/c I didn't want my four-year-old son to be upset. He was still asleep, and I was going to have to tell him what happened. I cried, b/c I'm frustrated at how things are....how life is...You, know what I mean; No matter how much we try to control our environments, sometimes (most times) we just can't MAKE results. We do what we can, and we hope for the best.

I get SO tired of it. I am optimistic, really... but think everyone gets tired of it. I am exhausted with the result not being what I wanted or expected. I know I shouldn't expect, but isn't that just being human. It seems that way with every portion of life, really... Expectations either being met or being disappointed.

I need a break from it. I need to vent and cry and run away, but I don't usually. I just soak it in, over.. and over. Even in my blogs, I never go down to specifics in my personal "stuff".  Not only do I not want to (who wants to put their "stuff" online), but I also don't know that I could. I hold so much in for so long that I think I could explode with "stuff".

I guess talking in circles and in non-specifics helps, but I wish I could just let it ALL out...Oh well, I know that I won't and I can't. So, I'll just dry my tears, have a root beer party (in honor of Mr. Fishy), and go about my day. I'm sure I'll feel better tomorrow. I usually do.

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