Babies are NEVER "bad"....

Ok, so the title is a itty bitty bit misleading. Of course, babies/children ARE in fact sometimes "bad". But, I don't think it is appropriate to tell a young child OVER and OVER and OVER that they are. I think that it should be extremely limited, and maybe even eliminated. If a young child is told that they are bad repeatedly then they BECOME that stereotype already being engraved upon them. They believe that they are...whether they are or NOT.

Research has shown this to be true. Classrooms divided into treated-like-they-will-succeed and treated-like-they-will-fail DO JUST THAT. If a child is shown the letter (A) over and over before a test, they are much more likely to make an (A). Similarly, if a child is shown (F)s over and over before a test, they are MUCH more likely to fail.

I recently had a run-in with my son's karate coach about this issue. My son is 3, and YES, he can be a handful. He doesn't have a HUGE attention span, and he definitely hasn't mastered following instructions 100% of the time. These are all pretty much standard for a 3yr old.

Now, I am ALL for discipline. I think children NEED to be molded at a young age. Otherwise, they are given a shaky foundation for life. HOWEVER, there is a difference between construction and demolition.

I cannot imagine telling young children that you are going to QUIT your job, b/c they didn't "behave" the way you wished that day. I cannot imagine telling 3 to 5 year olds that they don't deserve their participation stickers almost EVERYTIME they come to class. And mostly, I cannot FATHOM trying to teach without a TON of positive reinforcement. This person actually punished 3yr-olds as a team (In other words, if one messed up they all were punished).

Ok...so...I was accused as the PROBLEM, simply based on the fact that he has over 20-something years of experience. Well, my response to that...Years do not necessarily make a person. There are a LOT of old people in this world who do not know their head from their behinds...AND...There are a lot of really young people in this world who are wise WAY beyond their years. I don't think age/years makes a person perfect, wise, or immune to learning. If you claim years or age as a reason not to listen, learn, and grow, I would accuse the opposite.

I started realizing the effects were not just my parental imagination when Aden began dropping his head and calling himself "bad" at home, and then quoting this "coach's" descriptions of his mislabeled deviance. (It broke my heart).

Unfortunately, Aden loved going to this OVERLY PAID instruction, and I had to explain to him that it wasn't his fault. A 3yr-old cannot determine an adult's mistakes. They are taught to obey and respect, and they don't really have to ability to discern something on that level. They think if someone tells them they are bad...Then, they must be.

Needless to say, we no longer go to this coach anymore, and I will NOT go back. Why can't the world be full of nice and respectful people who want the best for everyone? Even if Aden IS bad (which is a perceptual term, and it seems that he IS in this coach's perceptions), what exactly IS bad at 3, and should we really be telling a 3 year old that over and over?

I know, I know. I ask too much :)